


They Certainly Are Lost

by Holy_Leonards



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series, The World Well Lost - Theodore Sturgeon
Genre: 69, Bland Chicken Sandwich, Botany, Captain mixup, Crack, M/M, Time Travel, black hole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 03:38:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4289289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holy_Leonards/pseuds/Holy_Leonards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Enterprise stumbles upon some humans from the past and decides that it is the best idea to beam them aboard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	They Certainly Are Lost

“Captain! Censors are picking up a strange vessel heading our way.”

“Life forms?”

“Only two humans, captain.”

“Try to make contact.”

“We are getting nothing on any channel, captain.”

“Alright beam them aboard, Spock, come with me to the transporter room.”

“Aye, captain.”

Kirk and Spock watched as the two humans materialized in the transporter chamber. One was asleep and the other was holding a book. The one with the book screamed.

“HUMANUH!!!!”

“Spock, hit him with stun.”

Spock shot him with full stun on his phaser and the man fell. They took them down to sickbay and waited for them to wake up. Both of the humans woke up at the same time. The smaller one spoke.

“What are we doing here?”

“You are on the Federation ship Enterprise. I am captain Kirk. What is your business in this sector of the galaxy?”

“We were transporting some prisoners and we need to get back to them.”

“I'm sorry, but we had to let your ship go. The tractor beams just couldn't hang onto it.”

The small one looked sad.

“Now what do we do?”

“We will take you to the nearest Federation base. What are your names?”

The small one answered “I am Rootes and this is Grunty, my second in command.”

Spock looked at Rootes lecherously.

“Would you two care to join Spock and I in the rec room? Maybe have a bite to eat?”

“Sure, captain, we would love that.”

They all got the same old bland chicken sandwich and coffee. 

“So, where are you and Grunty from?”

“We are from Earth. We got sucked into a black hole and now we are here.”

“Your ship did look primitive. You must have been shot forward in time.”

“We believe so.”

They all finished their meals and put their trays away. 

“You know where your quarters are?”

“Yes we do, captain, thank you.”

“No problem.”

Grunty was starting to get the after meal horny and so was Spock. They both loved their captains and when they got this horniness, they could not tell the difference between two captains. Grunty swept up Kirk and Spock swept up Rootes and they took them back to their respective quarters. 

Kirk was having a great time with Grunty.

“Mr. Grunty! Get me down!”

He was pounding on the big guy's back.

“Rootes!”

“Roots? What roots? I'm not really into botany.”

“ROOTES!”

“You should really let me down and go talk with Sulu he is bonkers about botany!”

Rootes was not having the best of time with Spock.

“What even are you, a fairy alien?”

“What is that supposed to mean, Jim?”

“Jim? I'm Rootes!”

“The root of all evil with that kind of homophobia.”

“Listen here you damn twinkle ears I am ROOTES!”

“Twinkle ears? Really?”

“Get me back to my Grunty!”

“Who is the himiswexual now? Having a partner named Grunty.”

“AHHHHHHH” 

Rootes broke free and ran for his second in command. 

He caught up with Kirk and Grunty just when they reached their quarters.

“Grunty! That isn't Rootes! I am Rootes!”

“Love?”

“Yes! Come, we must leave.”

He threw Kirk to the ground and grabbed Rootes' hand. They ran to the transporter room and got on the platform.

“Grunty, listen, we are going to have to beam right out into space. We have no ship and no way home and I don't want live in a world like this. Let us go out in our happy place!”

“HUMANUH!”

They tore off their clothes and climbed onto each other. A dick was placed in each mouth and they beamed out into space to forever float in juicy 69.

**Author's Note:**

> Himiswexual is a fantastic typo that was left in so that the fic is complete.


End file.
